http://www.flickr.com/photos/wilsondan/3228621055/

I’m a passionate ‘social media’ user. Work in the field. Truly believe that it’s potentially transformational and empowering. I get excited by the possibilities…

… but the people who are in charge, the speakers/pundits/commentators just annoy me. A lot.

Maybe it’s the hero-worship? The hat-tipping, mutual-masturbation? The navel-gazing? Maybe it’s the identikit people, constant iPhoning, pinging out self-important Tweets or the too-cool-for-skool presentations?

Nah. I just hate the fact that they only pay lip-service to the mass-market. We the users. The great democratic force of the internet has created tighter elites and hierarchies than any Ancien Regime monarch ever did.

Guaranteed no bollocks, probable annoyance and bullshit detection, If you let me go. Pomposity will be pierced. I promise to seek out only the genuine nuggets and not the same old shit. And I’ll try to be funny…

I say three ‘Hail Mary’s’ and four ‘our father’s’ everyday before my fecking day at work

I wash behind my ears. (I bet you don’t)

I play records whilst my brother plays jingle bells http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=SQROSnWMufE&feature=channel_page

I will blog about the event and take photos. If the bloggers meetup overwhelmingly vote that I should take some upskirt photos from the event I will not let you down.

The first applicant said that only Chuck Norris could do a better job. Chuck Norris was my nickname at school (we both share the ultimate Norris surname). Guess that you have fallen behind me in the pecking order.

Me and Chuck both have beards. Only real men and special ladies can grow beards.

I don’t watch reality TV shows

I have a NES, duck hunt and the red Nintendo gun!

I cannot make today’s Bloggers meetup. However… I decided to do the honorable thing and un-register myself from the meetup event page. This has ensured that another blogging junkie has been able attend. (Some of you in this room do not always un-register yourselves…You know who you are…SHAME ON YOU)

I want to fight zombies. Given the recent post on fanboy.com Social Media “Experts” are the Cancer of Twitter (and Must Be Stopped) (http://www.fanboy.com/2009/01/social-media-experts-rant.html), where the minions of social media experts on twitter are referred to as brain sucking zombies. I reckon the place must be crawling with them. I’ve been working out for three days straight since I heard about the competition and I believe I’m ready.

Once at the conference I’m going keep my eye out for any overbalanced twitter follower/following rations. That will lead me to the flesh-eating creators, who according to fanboy “can not be saved.” This species of zombie is known to feed off innocent tweets randomly following whomever just to feed their zombie impulses. I intend to fight these social media zombies until the startling realizations that based on a few conversations that I will probably have, that I too might actually be a zombie. It takes one to know one, right. At that point I’ll be faced with the climatic decision of ending my own life while I still have control or giving in to the mindless existence of a social media export. This is a decision I’m prepared, physically, mentally and spiritually to make.

Thanks for having such a fun contest for an awesome conference that is silly pricey for one day,

Matt Gierhart
Social Media Strategist